Psalms 127:3-5 " Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them..... "
The first month of my pregnancy I was experiencing a lot of symptoms unusual than what I was use to in pregnancy. I started having complications in my second month of pregnancy... but the Dr I saw at the time, said I was doing good and my baby was fine.
We finally had my first prenatal appointment with my first sonogram and our baby was measuring at 11 weeks 1 day, exactly the day I was on! My OB turned the heart monitor on to hear the heartbeat of our baby, but to our sadness she couldn't find one.
I have never had a miscarriage before so this was odd for me we couldn't believe it. My OB said she would check me again in two days but she already was very sure my baby wasn't alive.
I went home that night heartbroken, confused, scared, and shocked.... even though this pregnancy caught us a little off guard, I felt peace and happiness of being blessed with another child.. and now not knowing for sure if our baby was alive was tough..
I prayed asking God, "what happened"? "Did I do something wrong"? My mind was boggled with, "what if this baby is very sick, what would happen next"?
In the stillness of my heart, The Lord comforted me during my confusion and clarified to me He was with me. He gave me this confidence and I knew in the depths of my heart I was ready to hold this baby for as long as He would allow me to, even if I wasn't ever going to meet this child in this life.
I went in to my 2nd sonogram with hopes that our baby was still alive but felt so at peace with whatever the outcome was going to be.
We did find out our baby had passed away. In the midst of my extreme sadness, I felt this unexplainable joy knowing even though I will never be able to hold or cuddle my baby in this life, Our heavenly Father is already holding them and one day, I will be able to meet my son or daughter in the presence of our Heavenly Father!
And that brings me joy! I Praise You my Lord for Your ways are good and You love us so much!
It was a roller coaster of a week.... but in the middle of that week, The Lord allowed it to snow in El Paso! It was beautiful!!! Every life is precious to our Lord and my baby who lived in me for 11 weeks had a purpose in our life! I thank my Lord for the opportunity to hold His baby even if it was for a short time, my life is even more blessed because of it!
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us" (Romans 8:18)
